somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
