I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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