there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
