it was like eating out sand paper
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
