her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
