Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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