It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
