Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
