Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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