i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
