I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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