I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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