I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
