Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
