Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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