if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize