What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
