I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
