dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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