So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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