I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize