The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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