I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize