Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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