The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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