I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
