I need to stop coming to work sober
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
