READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
