It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
