party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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