He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
