I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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