I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
