i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
