There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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