How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
