And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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