I wanna bring you to show and tell
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
