A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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