I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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