It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
