On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
