Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
