I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
