we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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