yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
