:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
