Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He felt like a one man threesome
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize