Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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