What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
