i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
