having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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