If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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