Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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