no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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