Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
