yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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