From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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