I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
