forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
