i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
