heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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