he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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