wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
