so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize