I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
