I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
