My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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