I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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