If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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