Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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