Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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