Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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