My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
