Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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