i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
