He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
