we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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