you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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