I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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