Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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