All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
