i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
