matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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