32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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