I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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