Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
