I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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