im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
