YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
