why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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