If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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