I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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