she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
